Blogging as a Mirror

by Courtney on March 23, 2009

I’d like to share a comment from Kelly Ordway that resonated with me to read:

Congratulations on being courageous enough to listen to yourself and be honest! Sometimes it can be easier to do something that is not in the highest good simply out of commitment and ego (especially when exposing ourselves publicly!), yet in those moments of truly tuning in, I find deeper clarity. You are magnificent! Ganesh simply laughs while telling me not to take myself so seriously! You are a success! You are complete in each moment! With Love, Compassion and Celebration! :)

Kelly, you’re so right :) It’s a unique experience, being a growing and stumbling human being publicly ;) I do indeed have a history of pushing myself into very uncomfortable and/or painful situations in order to not let others down. Depending on the situation, obviously, discomfort can be absolutely instrumental in healing and making life changes.
Blogging publicly at this time in my life is both valuable and scary. This time of my life feels very intense for me, and I experience a lot of whirling emotions. I am healing pains from my past, healing addictive behavior (food), and I stumble and fall down, a lot. I go back on my plans a lot, I change my mind a lot.

My ego imposes frequently in relation to my blogging, particularly in its absolute attachment to being perfect. Blogging has reflected to me how afraid I am of people knowing just how far away from perfect I am. I often think that perhaps my readers are eons more sane than I am ;) Blogging is a unique experience for self reflection, because I can see just how honest I actually am about my life, and whether I am making a true effort to accurately reflect who I am.

I have to say that it means so much to me that I am met with such support, compassion, and love. I thank everyone for allowing me to share honestly, and I hope I can contribute as much to your life as you do to mine :)

 

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