The Things That We Want

by Courtney on July 24, 2010


For about 5 years now, I’ve kept a little journal in which I write things in my life that I want to:

  • Create
  • Experience
  • Learn
  • Contribute
  • Give
  • Receive

There are hundreds of items I’ve written there, both big and small, serious and playful. They range from “Travel Europe with mom” to “Paint an art piece for a friend” to “Write a revolutionary book” to “Complete a 21-day+ water fast/meditation” to “Learn to kite surf”.

Now, those examples are ones that are still in the journal. However, every time I pick up this journal to add something new or check off something I did, I cross out many. They’re things I wrote at one time that I was drawn to doing or experiencing or creating, that I am no longer interested in. Now, I don’t tend to think of myself as one to change my mind overly often, so it’s not so much an indicator (as far as I know – you tell me – wink) of confusion or indecision. Rather, I believe it is a reflection of how much things change in our lives – especially if we’re living intentional lives where we are consciously tuning into the flow.

As our lives flow, new experiences and perspectives give way to different desires and draws and yearnings, and to be open to that, we must make room for change. We must be willing to let go of who we assume we are, what we assume we are meant to be and do, what we assume we are good and not good at, and what we assume we want. So many of us create stories about our current selves and the way our future will progress that leaves little room for change. Being open to the possibility of not only change, but revolutionary change can be scary, and just plain inconvenient. But, what is sovereignty and freedom if not being free to move in all directions? Freedom to align with the flow in our lives that is there, always going in the direction for our greatest expression and spiritual evolvement?

On the other hand, there are many things I decided I wanted years ago that I have fulfilled and exceeded. There are things I’ve written that I haven’t experienced but still resonate with me as strongly as they did when I wrote them 5 years ago. Some of those spur me to take another action towards them, or question what blocks I might have to experiencing/creating/etc them. If they are resonant on such a deep level, could their not yet happening be due to fears or insecurities or other limiting beliefs that I have?

The items I write are just ideas, and the journal is mostly for fun, to remind myself to think bigger and bigger, as well as to stretch myself in different directions because… who knows what might be there? Whether any of the things I write happen or not, some lessons this journal has taught me are:

  • Don’t put myself in a box.
  • Don’t assume.
  • Be open to everything.
  • The flow of life is happening, and I can either be open to that flow with curiosity and wonder, or I can attach to ideas and potentially severely limit my greatest expression in this life.
  • Notice what yearnings stay and continue to resonate. Take those seriously.
  • Don’t make too many plans. Or, if I do… don’t attach to them.

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